how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize