Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Alive.
So much puke
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
