May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
