So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
