Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
