i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just blew my weed a kiss
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
