I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
