Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
