I smell stomach acid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
