Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
