Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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