Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
sex in a hospital.. check
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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