I hope mine doesn't look like that
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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