I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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