It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
