Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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