Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
