let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
