It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
