okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
