Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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