and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize