I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
