how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
