i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
