I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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