just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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