Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
