last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
