Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
