This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
