I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
