Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
