we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
