i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
