This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
