I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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