im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
