The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
