yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
