I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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