Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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