Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
