I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
