when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's even glitter on my cock...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
