its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
