Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
