dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
