btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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