I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
as a side note pls kill me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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