yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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