i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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