absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
