Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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