People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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