A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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