im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
