Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
