two words: eviction party
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
