you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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