As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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