Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was like eating out sand paper
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
