Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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