this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
