Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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