he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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