So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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